Last night I was awoken 3 times (once for almost 2 hours) by my 7 month old daughter. She is both teething and pooping solid for the first time (sorry-I’m a mom-I talk about poop when it’s relevant) and both of these things are waking her up in the night. She is our second child, so I am accustomed to these shifts in sleep behavior but…poor baby.

& Poor me!

Most nights have become doable for our whole family these days. She’s no longer a newborn, so we are past the part where we are up around the clock. We’ve finally gotten to the point where she awakens me to nurse once or twice a night in a beautiful half-sleep that feels comfortable and lovely. In my daily life, I’ve started recognizing what it feels like to think more clearly again and my brain can grab the bits of information it needs (like names, dates, nouns, and verbs) far more efficiently. Trust me, the first 6 months were a discombobulated mess in my brain. The realization that I’ve not lost my mind leaves me joyous.

But, last night was different. I was exhausted as she finally fell asleep in my arms after 2 hours in the rocking chair. I knew I had an early morning client and would also have to get our older daughter off to preschool. I started getting myself worked up. Would I be able to wake up and function?

When she released her lips from my body, I looked down to see her soft eyelashes resting peacefully below her closed eyelids and I smiled.

I get to nurture this baby. I get to spend time with this baby. This moment is SO GOOD. It is so good to have a baby in my arms.

There was a chance we would decide not to have a baby – but we did.

There was a good chance we wouldn’t have a second – but we did.

And I’m feeling lucky. Lucky that something in my biology overrode any fears I had about having children. Lucky that I knew to appreciate every moment of our oldest child’s infant years. Lucky to know (now from experience) to appreciate this newest addition to our family even more. And the time goes racing away so fast I don’t even try to keep up this time.

Instead I find myself often smacked in the heart with the in-the-moment realization that I have a baby right here in front of me. How easy it is to get caught up in the carousel of daily routine: keeping the house clean(ish), getting us all bathed/dressed/fed/napped, fending off toddler emotions, reinvigorating my career, looking up and seeing Her…

(pause)

Oh my – I have a baby.

Last night as she lay sleeping in my arms, I shifted her so that she was upright against my shoulder. I stood up on my feet to rock her back and forth. Back and forth. My lips touching her short fuzzy hair. Her head resting squarely on my mouth. I feel the depths of this feeling both physically and emotionally. And I say to myself, “Don’t forget this. Don’t ever forget this.”